Self-care for therapists. Why it’s so important.
How does self-care need to look different given what we do for a living?
Self-care. What a buzzword! We see it all over the media, read about it in self-help books and talk to our clients about it all the time. As therapists, we are well-aware of the need to practice our own self-care. But how does self-care need to look different for therapists, given what we do for a living?
Relationship to self
For me, the words self-care have lost some of their meaning given their buzzword status. A more meaningful concept for me is relationship to self. This wording allows me to see the idea of self-care within the context of relationship – meaning the way I am connected to myself, the way I communicate with myself and the way I tend to my needs. Relationships are absolutely central to the work we do as therapists – specifically the therapeutic relationship. How we hold space for our clients in a safe, ethical and healing way depends on a healthy and functioning therapeutic relationship. But in order to participate in therapeutic relationships with our clients, we must have a healthy and functioning relationship with our selves.
What does a healthy relationship to self look like for a therapist?
Of course there are as many answers to this question as there are therapists! But I’ll try to highlight some of the most common and most important elements that I have learned about in my own journey as well as through my relationships with other therapists.
Connection
Making time and space to be connected to yourself is a foundational element to self-care. Being still, silent or reflective allows important information to emerge. This connection to self will lead to important self-awareness. When you are connected to yourself, you will know when you are tired, hungry, stressed, in need of community, etc.
Communication
How do you hear the messages that your body and your mind tries to send you? There are communication signals happening all the time within you, you just need to tune into them. There may be patterns of self-talk or well established narratives that emerge to inform you about what’s going on. Your body may carry signals in the form of breath, tension or pain that cues you to pay attention. It is so easy to be distracted from our own cues and ignore them in favour of caring for others or attending to the never ending to-do list. However, in order to be in a healthy relationship with ourselves, just like when we are in relationship with others, we must communicate with intention.
Tending to your needs
When you are connected to and tuned into your communication with yourself, it will be much easier to identify your needs. Once you are aware of your needs, you can tend to them in a way that only you know how. Of course there are barriers to tending to your needs and these will always be part of the equation, but if you circle back to connection and communication with yourself, you may be able to stay with your needs long enough to act on them and meet them.
The work of being a therapist requires us to tune in to the needs, cues and defenses of our clients. This is important work and fulfilling work. But it also lends itself to an outward focus where we spend our time and energy invested in people other than ourselves. This is why finding ways to care for ourselves, in relationship with ourselves is an essential component for our well being and the well being of the clients we work with.